This is about the time I pooped on rape.
It was a dark night. Not too cold, but I should’ve put on tights. In retrospect, not doing so may have saved my life.
I hailed a van cab and got inside. Things took a turn for the rapey. The man was not a licensed cab driver, but a sex offender in a yellow van! He wanted to r me, so I had to think fast. I reached for my Blackberry - nowhere to be found. I had no pepper spray, rape whistle, or jujitsu training. My only defense was resting in my colon. “Operation Backseat Dumping,” I muttered to myself before letting loose a steamy stream of brown fury the likes of which the world had never seen.
As I am alive to type this tale, you already know that it worked. Ladies of the world, goddesses all, if you find yourself in a tricky situation always remember that shitting yourself out of fear is not the answer. From now on, we shit ourselves in defense of our honor. I implore you to share my tale with your daughters, your sisters, your mothers and your Auntie Connies; with your friends, co-workers, and acquaintances; with the timid woman sitting across from you at Starbucks right now.
Girl Power comes in all colors, and today that color is brown.
